Hello again and welcome back to our blog! In this post, we are wrapping up a blog series surrounding stress and ways to manage the stress in your life. In Part I of this Blog series, Stress: What is Stress and How to Manage It, we covered a general definition of stress and looked at how stress is connected not only to the mind/mental health, but also to your physical health/body. We also looked at types of stress: good stress (and how good stress can actually be beneficial to us) and bad stress (and the negative effects it can have on your body and mind). We wrapped up by reviewing the negative effects that too much stress can cause us emotionally/mentally and physically. You’ll most certainly want to read over that list to see if you are currently suffering the negative effects of stress. If you are suffering from the negative effects that stress can have on your mind and body, never fear! Part II and Part III (this one) in this series gives you 11 skills/techniques that you can implement in your life right now to get your stress levels under control and to reduce or eliminate the negative effects that you identified with on that list. Part II covers the more physical ways that you can help to prevent, reduce, or eliminate your stress (regular doctor visits, physical exercise, sleep and sleep hygiene, nutrition, and prioritizing your life). For more on those, check out Part II.
If you missed out on Part I or Part II, you’ll definitely want to check those out (Part I) and (Part II) located on the Therapist blog page before reading Part III below. You’ll get some great information in a neat and tidy summary- no need to read an entire book!
Alright, now that you’ve read (or re-read) Parts I and II, let’s get started on the final blog in this series. In Part III of this Blog series surrounding stress and stress management, we will explore strategies numbered 6 through 11 of effective ways that you can effectively manage your stress. These are the more cognitive skills, and are probably closer to what people tend to think about when they think about stress management. Don’t worry though, I won’t be suggesting that you sit cross-legged on the floor and hum or chant (if you are interested in that though, varying meditative practices have been shown to be quite effective to improve and induce mental calmness…but we’ll save that one for another day). All of the below techniques can be done simply seated or laying down somewhere comfy.
What If These Strategies Aren’t Working?
Ways to Manage Your Stress (continued from Part II)
All of the below techniques can be used at almost any time- day or night. I would suggest, though, that if you can learn and practice these techniques BEFORE you are in situations of high stress or when you are in a noisy or disruptive environment, that will be most beneficial to you. It is helpful for your brain to already be familiar with the strategies and details of each in advance because in times of high stress, your focus and motivation are not at their highest levels. That may result in you not getting the level of benefit that you would have if you had practiced and familiarized yourself with the technique beforehand. Think muscle memory here. When learning and practicing each exercise, try to find a quiet place, free of distractions (turn off your cell phone, have the room at a comfortable temperature, sit or lay somewhere that doesn’t cause any discomfort, wear unrestricting clothing, etc.).
When first learning and practicing any relaxation or stress-management technique, start off in a location that feels calming, relaxing, and safe to you. Make sure that you are free from distractions (children, cell phones, loud noises, etc.).
6. Mindfulness
The first technique that we will review is Mindfulness. Truthfully, I wouldn’t call Mindfulness a technique, actually, but rather a frame of mind. Let me explain. The term mindfulness basically means to bring your awareness to the present moment. It has been said that anxiety comes from too much concern about the future, and that depression comes from too much concern about the past. It is an interesting concept to ponder, yes?
If you focus on the present moment- what is actually happening right now- it does change the way that we think and experience what is happening around us. In this current moment, that assignment you have been stressing over that is due next week is not due right now. That big, anxiety-producing event next month has minimal baring on this/your current moment. The results of that biopsy that you are supposed to receive tomorrow will happen tomorrow, but truly has no place or right to stress your mind in this instant. Can you imagine if you were able to get your mind to focus on the present moment and to be less concerned with the negatives of the past and the worries of tomorrow? How freeing would that be? How much happier, peaceful, and better able to experience what good is happening in your life right now would you be?
Take a moment right now to be mindful. What do you see (I assume it’s a screen of some sort, as you are reading this blog)? But, what else? Look up and take a peek around. What do you hear? What sensations do you feel in your body, and where are they? Is anything touching you? The arm of a chair, perhaps? Or maybe you feel your shirt sleeves on your arms or your watch on your wrist. Do you smell anything? Are you eating something? What is the texture like on your tongue and on your cheeks? One of the keys to being mindful is to ground yourself and notice what is happening at the present moment without placing any judgement on the situation or experience (this includes good judgements). Just notice. There are several attitudes or foundation points of mindfulness (things like non-judgement, non-striving, beginner’s mind, etc.) that are quite helpful to explore if you plan to take your mindfulness practice to the next level. I highly recommend that you research the foundations/attitudes of mindfulness so that you can apply these points to all of your practiced mindful experiences. It will enhance and deepen your practice and benefit you more than you can believe.
Try a mindful eating exercise with strawberries: Before you place the fruit into your mouth, study the outside of the fruit with your eyes. Notice the little seeds that cover the shiny surface of the strawberry. Notice the color and the texture of the leaves. Smell the light scent of the strawberry. Becoming aware of any other details that you may not have noticed before. Now take a bite, but don’t chew it yet. Become aware of the taste of the juice in your mouth that came from the fruit. Sense how the piece of strawberry feels on your tongue. Run your tongue over the fruit piece, noticing the seeds, where you bit the fruit, and any other properties of the fruit. Now start to chew. Recognize the variations in taste, the new texture of the fruit, and any accompanying noises and smells. Only after you have involved all of your senses, swallow the bite. Repeat this state of awareness as you eat the rest of the fruit.
Do this: Try to be mindful in doing the things that you normally do on autopilot and see how the experience changes for you. When washing the dishes, take notice of the feelings, smells, and noises you hear. When you take a shower, notice the smell of your shampoo, the feel of the water on your skin, and the release of tension in your physical body as the water seems to wash away stress. Sit outside and notice what is going on around you. Watch the trees swaying, see the colors and textures of the flowers in bloom, and then observe the movement of the clouds as if this is the first time that you’ve seen any of it. You could also do a body scan, starting at the top of your body and moving down to your toes. Notice, without judgements, how your body is feeling, where, and if there are any changes. Many people also report that journaling about your day-to-day activities, thoughts, and experiences in combination with mindfulness practices helps, too. Journaling can be helpful to further immerse yourself in the mindful experiences and assist you in remembering any new experiences or insights gained from your practice.
Discover how satisfying, relaxing, and invigorating daily tasks become when you apply a mindful state of awareness.
The topic of mindfulness is so vast (and so helpful), so be sure to check back for future blog posts surrounding the concept of mindfulness and for some walk-throughs of mindfulness application. I believe in the practice of mindfulness, and I want you guys to experience this freeing and rejuvenating frame of mind for yourselves, too.
7. Deep Breathing
Breathing is something that people often overlook, given that it is an involuntary function of the body. But have you ever noticed that in times of stress or anxiety, your breathing can become uncomfortable: shallow and rapid? Becoming aware of your breathing (cue mindful breathing exercise!) can help us to identify times when we are stressed and then enable us to do something to alter it. Taking slow, deep breaths has all sorts of benefits. To name a few: increased oxygen to your brain, improved digestion, increased energy levels, slowed heart rate, and the shining star of the list…it sends the message to your brain to relax.
Diaphragm or abdominal breathing is fantastic in reducing anxiety and stress. Often times, you breathe, and your chest rises. This is actually an incorrect way to breathe. Breathing from the chest makes your breaths shallower, as well as limits oxygen intake to your lungs. To maximize oxygen intake, you must breathe from the abdomen.
Diaphragm or abdominal breathing is an effective way to reduce anxiety and stress.
Try this: Sit up straight, while still being comfortable, in a chair. Place your right hand on your stomach and your left hand on your chest. Slowly and deeply breathe in through your nose. The hand on your stomach should rise, and the hand on your chest should remain relatively unmoved. Hold that inbreath for 2-4 seconds. Then exhale fully and slowly from your mouth. To help you to breathe from your abdomen and not your chest, you can imagine that you have a balloon in your stomach. When you take the slow, deep breath in through your nose, visualize that you are fully inflating the balloon. Then when you exhale slowly and fully from your mouth, the balloon deflates. You can also do this exercise while lying down with a book on your stomach (instead of your hand) to help bring awareness of abdominal breathing. Do 20-30 deep breathing reps. If you find that you are getting dizzy or that your heart rate seems to be increasing, you are inhaling and exhaling too fast. Take a break from the breathing exercise, and then try again with SLOWER breaths once you have regulated.
8. Guided Imagery
Guided imagery is another great technique to use when you are trying to manage or reduce your stress. Like with all of these techniques, it is best to practice this during times that are relatively stress-free, so that you can get used to it before you are elevated when it is more difficult to focus on the technique. First, think through the place that you will visualize in this exercise before you begin. Next, think about all of the details of that place using all of your senses. For example, many people find the beach to be very relaxing. If this is you, you might visualize yourself sitting in a low beach chair with the pleasant feeling of your toes buried in the warm sand. You might see and hear the cawing seagulls as they fly overhead with the calming, rhythmic sound of the ocean waves lapping in the background. You may be tasting the sugary, chilled taste of a sweet tea. You would likely feel the warm sun pressing onto your skin. The goal is to imagine as many details of your relaxing place as possible to almost put your mind in that place. Maybe the beach scene isn’t for you. It could be a quiet place in the forest or maybe in a treehouse that you used to play in as a child. Whatever location you choose, be sure that it is a relaxing, calm, and safe place in which you can vividly remember many details.
Immerse yourself in a scene that is calming. You may imagine that you are at the beach, in a warm cabin in the mountains, or maybe even in your favorite childhood hideaway.
Practice: Think of a time when you felt relaxed, calm, safe and totally at peace. Next, think about all of the details of this place, as well as how you felt physically and mentally when you were in this place. Once you have all of the details in mind, imagine yourself in this place. Clocks and the notion of time and deadlines are generally not included in a relaxing, stress-free place, so you may want to set an alarm prior to beginning this exercise, so that you don’t have to concern yourself with time.
9. Progressive Muscle Relaxation
Progressive Muscle Relaxation helps you to become aware of the stress and tension that the muscles in your body holds, and then to release that tension. In this stress management technique, you take a slow, deep breath in while tensing a chosen muscle group, and then slowly exhaling your breath as you release the same muscle group. Don’t tense any muscles in a way that hurts or causes you discomfort. Also, if you have had an injury (ex. Back injury), be especially careful when tensing and releasing those muscles.
To begin the exercise, take a slow, deep breath inward and tense your identified muscle group. Once you have fully drawn in your deep breath and have the tension in those muscles, hold that tension and breath for about 5 seconds. After 5 seconds, release your breath and the tension from your muscles simultaneously. Notice how your body feels different from when you had the muscle tension compared to now that you have let go of the muscle tension. Notice any tingling, buzzing, or feelings of heaviness and relaxation in your body. Repeat the breath/tension addition and breath/tension release sequence a second time for each muscle group before moving on to the next. Work your way through the muscle groups in your entire body. After you have completed each chosen individual muscle group, lastly, tense up all of the muscle groups, hold that tension, and then release, just as you did with individual muscle groups previously.
Use Progressive Muscle Relaxation to assist you in managing or reducing your stress. Focus on how your body feels when you are holding the tension in your muscles, and then focus on how your body feels when you release that muscle tension.
I have found that most people tend to like and gain the most benefit from the versions of Progressive Muscle Relaxation that start at the bottom of the body and work up with doing the tension and release exercise twice per muscle category (you can do the tension and release once per muscle group if you prefer or have less time). Stress management is not the only benefit of Progressive Muscle Relaxation. It has also been shown to be beneficial in helping with lowering blood pressure, helping with chronic pain, and decreasing fatigue and anxiety. Further, several people who previously suffered from difficulties falling asleep at night have told me that when they start Progress Muscle Relaxation at their feet and work the exercise upwards, they find that they don’t get past their legs before drifting off to sleep.
There are several scripts, as well as a voice-led Progressive Muscle Relaxation exercise by yours truly here, online that you can follow along to until you get the hang of it and can complete the exercise on your own. There are also versions that are catered towards children, if you would like to start your children on the path to good stress-management skills early.
10. Visualize Your Goals
Next up on our list of effective strategies that you can use to manage, reduce, or eliminate stress in your life is to visualize your goals. In order to visualize your goals, it makes sense that you will first have to have some goals in mind. When deciding on your goals, let me encourage you to consider what is truly important in your life and go from there. Don’t take the lead from societal norms, family members, or friends if those ideas are not where your heart actually lies. For some people, having a big house with the nice car and adoration from others is a goal. For other people, leading a quiet life while cultivating meaningful relationships, people who genuinely care about their well-being and are there for them when times are hard, is the goal. Whatever your goals, make sure that they come from what you want in life and align with what you value.
Once you have your goals in mind, choose one to start. Next, make a list of all of the details surrounding this goal (not including steps to reaching the goal- just the details related to when you have already reached the goal). Consider the various elements that will be present, as well as the elements that will not be present. Once you have a lengthy list, close your eyes and visualize you reaching that goal. Take it all in. Where are you? Who is with you? What are you doing? How do you feel? What does it indicate about you that you were able to reach this goal that you set for yourself? Try to pull in as many details as possible. The more details, the better. Do this visualization every day. Repeat this visualization process for each of your goals. I think that you will be surprised at how once you focus a lot of energy on your goals, how they will seem to materialize for you.
11. Gratitude
Lastly (though definitely not last in importance!) is gratitude. Gratitude is often something that gets overlooked in Western culture. Western ideals are very much focused on getting ahead of others, reaching the top, and doing it solely on your own standing and hard work. Don’t get me wrong, hard work and self-reliance is absolutely necessary. I am all about taking personal responsibility for your actions (or lack of actions) and accepting the consequences, as well as not depending on others to take care of business that is your responsibility. That is part of being an adult (or soon to be adult in the case of children and teenagers) and is an extremely needed mindset for the betterment of both self and society. But, the problem comes in when we start thinking that we can, did, or would be better off, doing it alone. Save yourself the heartache, pressure, failure, and the feeling of let-down even after you reached your goals, and just know that no one can do it alone all of the time (even if you could, it would not be nearly as rewarding).
Let me pose this idea to you. No one has to do anything for you. Ever. That sounds simple enough to say, right? But really take a moment to consider that. Literally- no one has to do anything for you in life. There are many instances when someone or a group of people should and are expected to do stuff for others. The most obvious example that springs to most people’s minds is parents caring for and raising their children. But hear this, it is often the case that parents do not care for or raise their children in a way that nurtures or benefits the child. It is a sad fact, but it definitely happens. Sure, there are consequences for parents not acting as such, but even those consequences don’t make right what has happened to the child. So, if even at the most basic level consider the fact that no one is required to do anything for you, isn’t it an intriguing line of thought to consider that all of the positives in your life were influenced by something that someone chose to do FOR YOU?
At some point, someone has helped you somewhere along the way. For some people, it was their parents. For others, it was the encouraging words or support from friends. Others look to their spirituality or God to give credit to the good things in their lives. Things would be quite different for you right now if it weren’t for that one person or several people who helped you (you may not have even asked for help or even knew that you needed it at the time). Even if you are going through a bit of a rough patch right now, looking for the good in your life doesn’t discount your struggles and difficulties that you are experiencing now. It still hurts, and life isn’t fair. I hear you. But looking for the positives is more necessary in the hard times than when things are going well. Just trust me on this one, and give it a go.
Expressing gratitude to someone or something that has added “good” to your life benefits both you and the other person.
Try this: Think about all of the good that is in your life. Like I said, even if things have been pretty bleak for you lately, be determined to find some things that ARE good or that WILL BE good for you in the near future. These things can be big or small. The smile from a stranger passing by that made you smile in return, the support system in your life that can’t exactly change your circumstances, but give you peace of mind knowing that they are in your corner no matter what, or that you woke up today (point of gratitude #1) and had something to eat (point #2). Now that you have a good list of good things that are in your life, next realize that those good things have come to you, in part, by someone or something outside of yourself. Next, find some way to let those people who have placed some good in your life know that you are grateful. You could do this by calling them on the phone, writing them a letter, or telling them in person. If you don’t have a way to contact this person, another option could be to pay it forward. Add some good to someone else’s life, just as good was added to yours. Not only will you feel positive about yourself for doing good for someone else, but you can smile in the fact that someone else’s life was made better, improved if only for a moment, because of you.
Given that problematic levels of stress in your life did not happen overnight, don’t expect that you will be able to get your stress to disappear in one day. It takes time to build a pattern, so try out whichever of these stress managing techniques feel like a good fit for you and keep at it. They work. There is lots of research out there showing the effectiveness of each. It will take your brain time to adjust to this new way of living, so give your mind all of the elements it will need for success (which includes realistic expectations surrounding the time frame of switching your mind from chronically stressed to positive well-being).
Give your brain time to decompress and to relax. It will not happen overnight, but you will get there.
What If These Strategies Aren't Working?
If you find that you have too much bad stress in your life, and the above tips for managing your stress aren’t helping enough, then speaking to a licensed mental health professional is a good next step. Trained therapists can help you with working through the difficulties that underlie what is causing you too much stress. Sometimes, it is just as easy as changing up who you spend time around or reminding yourself to be grateful, but oftentimes long-term stress or chronic stress stems from something much deeper that is best processed in therapy. Discovering what is causing you discomfort/stress, forming goals, and helping you to discover and then guide you to where you want to be is what therapists are trained to do.
If this sounds like something that you or someone you know could benefit from, don’t wait another day to reach out. Finding a therapist who is trained in trauma and relationships is key (remember, if you are holding onto too much stress and finding it difficult to let go, to change your thinking patterns, or to change your behaviors, that oftentimes means that people have something painful, hurtful, or confusing in their past that they did not fully work through- remember that the word “trauma” does not always refer to forms of abuse or incidents of physical danger). At the end of therapy, I’ve had so many people tell me that they can’t believe that they feel this happy and stress-free, that the time spent in therapy wasn’t nearly as long as they thought it would be, and that they wish they would have come to therapy sooner. Life can and does get better with therapy. There is no need to continue running on this hamster wheel of stress. Reach out today- (769) 300-5259.
If you have a topic or a question that you would like discussed/answered by Bahar Dunn, our Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist at Central Mississippi Therapy Solutions, LLC in Jackson, MS, please email centralmstherapysolutions@gmail.com. Please do not include any identifying information (unless you are comfortable in doing so), as email communication is not always a confidential medium of communication.
Disclaimer: The information in this blog post is for general information purposes only. Nothing in this post or on this website should be taken as therapeutic guidance or therapeutic or medical advice for any situation. This information is not intended to create, and receipt or viewing does not constitute, a therapist-client relationship.
**Don't forget to Share our Blog post by clicking the "Share" link below and choosing which Social Media platform you would like to share with.
